Finding New Milieu

– A chronology of sorts –

Note: I am still , slowly, editing this essay .

Definition: “ A milieu is a surrounding culture. Your family, house, neighborhood, school, and people you hang out with.make up your milieu. A milieu is both “surroundings” and everything that makes up the surroundings.”

One thing is clear. What we need now is not what we needed 32 years ago when we designed and hand built our house. We designed it for our interests, for our family, and for our idealism. In many senses, we need a new milieu.

When we started this house project we were a family of five – Susan, myself and three teenage

very active, kids.

Then, we became empty nesters and little by little rearranged the space to fit our artistic interests.

Susan is an acrylic artist and we created studio space for her. I do woodworking, and a form of glass fusing and wood sculpture as well as my own form of graphic arts. For me, we constructed a “Tinkerer’s” shop with glass kiln, woodworking equipment, and some metal working tools.

For us, our studio and workshop space is far more important than extra living space. While we engage in acrylic painting, wood sculpture, glass fusing, screen printing, and photography, we’ve come to realize that our biggest art project is our house!

The entry gate is a dancer motif, hand-built door. On one side is a fused glass art. Coming through the door is like transitioning from one world to another. The tiny raised pond, with water plants and concrete, sculpted surround, and a mountain, forest, ocean motif built into the overhead beam gives us a feeling of immediate relaxation.

Our home has always been a place of solace from the busy, busy world at large. When we walk through the “dancer” gate to the entry space, with the murmuring tiny pond, it ’s like like unburdening heavy weighted garments. 

The East roof top deck, with zen views of the cascades,  is enclosed by colorful hanging baskets which daily attracts hummingbirds darting from one flower or another, occasionally taking time to buzz over to watch whatever we are doing – to our delight.

The other deck has a propane heated hot tub with a view to Mary’s Peak to the west.

What we call our garden stove area has a yodel stove we purchased in the 70’s and a oak frame, Scandinavian style couch. We found it at a garage sale, and added casters, a waterproof covering and even in the rare snows of winter it is a favorite place of mine.

Our design incorporates principles from architect Christopher Alexander. In his books, “A Pattern Language” and  “The Timeless Way of Building,” he and his associates categorize “patterns ” which world wide seem to make a house comfortable and pleasant with “a quality without a name.” People sense the quality, feel the quality, but have no words for it. At least for us, our home and garden has that quality.

Some examples of patterns we used are light from three sides, multiple ceiling heights, private areas and public areas, purposeful alcoves, long views, and windows positioned during construction for both privacy and vantage.

Our garden provides us with delicious foods and fruits and our pet Muscovie ducks eggs for omelets.

It is a home designed over the years by us, lived in by us, and full of memories – and will be very difficult to leave.

Things become more difficult as we age

Unfortunately, the reality is that as we are aging we are having a difficult time keeping everything in good order.

For instance, I just came in from pruning one of the hedges. It had grown to 16 feet or so. Now, I have it down to a ragged 6 feet and a huge pile of branches to dispose of.

The fruit trees need some spraying, and pruning. Over the last few years, I’ve pruned the branches low enough that Susan and I can reach the fruit without ladders.

Cleaning the second story windows is a no-no. The ladder to get there is just no longer safe for me. Perhaps it never was.

The gardens, even with our efforts to annually increase the number of raised beds, are often now a chore versus a joy. Backs, knees, and energy just seem to complain and flag where there was not even a notice just a few years ago.

Inside, cleaning and making beds, fixing things, and all the small home owner needs that seem to compound from small to impossible, accrue.

Getting around town from our hill location is also taking a toll. Cataracts are decreasing rainy night driving. Eventually, we can see cars as not our approach to transportation. Biking up the hill is currently very difficult. And walking the 1/3 mile to and from the bus stop, which only runs once per hour, is still doable – but not with out a few grimace’s along the way.

Why not simply hire much more of the work, use taxi’s, get a mobility scooter to get to the bus stop, put in a chair lift or elevator and make the many changes so we can stay here?

That’s what this “essay” is about. Adaptation to changing abilities and needs, easing into simpler routines, learning to age with optimism and gusto, even as our bodies and minds revolt a bit.

Should we have built differently?

Recently, I was daydreaming about building our home 31 years ago, and remembering my, at that time, 80 year old nuclear physics professor. He lived across the street, and while chatting with him he gently cautioned that we would get to his age sooner than we expect, and having a two story house with a loft, and halls barely able to handle a small size wheel chair, might not be what we want when we are 80 years old.

I politely agreed with him. But also realized building for an 80 year old would entail a different approach. We would need to forgo the view of the Cascade mountains from the second story kitchen window, lessen our garden space as changing from two stories to one would increase our footprint. We’d need to remove fruit trees and do much more excavation because of the hillside contours. Cost would likely go beyond beyond  our meager budget. For these and a host of other “practical” reasons we came to the conclusion: We will build now for our current family needs and when that time comes we’ll make what adaptations we need, which might well include moving.

Well, “that” time is here

I’m an active 80 year old – with knee problems. With caution and hand rail I manage the stairs just fine – but for how long? Susan, a little younger, has leg artery problems, and for a short period of time could not get up and down the stairs without help- a portend of a potential future.

So here we are, contemplating major changes, before change is forced upon us. We know we aren’t alone in needing to make substantial changes and adaptations as we age, so we thought it might be useful to others (as well as for ourselves) to chronicle some of our thinking and decision making processes.

We embarked on a path of checking out all sorts of aging situations that others, before us, have done. It’s been fun, eye opening, and mostly done with the idea that this is in our future, not our present. That mindset let us approach things in a relatively objective manner. We could keep the practical and emotional reality of actually “doing” something as a future thing.

What follows is our list of options, and finally, what we will likely do.

But first, a short excursion into methodology.

It became apparent that the viability of each living option depended on our current stage of aging. As a construct, we created the following list of stages, and then for each living arrangement option, we put plus and minus marks for how well (positive marks) or how unsuitable (negative marks)we thought the option would be for each stage.

Stages of Aging

Stage 1 – Very active, no real physical or mental limitations, just want to do our own thing, and maybe slow down a little bit.

Stage 2. – The need for adaptations is creeping in.

Stage 3 – Physical and mental limitations are severe. Personal help might be needed.

Stage 4 – The dying time. Hospice, palliative care needs.

Staying Put- Making modifications and hiring help.

We would rather live out our lives in the familiarity of our neighborhood, our own house, and among our own treasures.

An agricultural science acquaintance down the street from us, managed, with help, to live in his home, surrounded by his research orchard of fruit trees, to age 101. He was doing light pruning, with his special walker, at 101!

If he can do it, why not us? Even in our house, with stairs, narrow hallway, and tight corners, can’t we adapt and modify and manage to live our life out in our own, very special to us, home. There must be others who have gone through all this.

One way is to organize mutual self help. We learned of the “Village to Village Network.”

Village to village network How about help, community, and elder problem solving? (1++,2++,3+,4)

We joined forces with a group of elders interested in creating a mutual support group and subscribed to the Village to Village network.  Using their methods and procedures we wanted to create an organization where we could share our talents. Someone could give a ride to the grocery store. Recommendations for good help and contractors could be shared by developing a roster of group critiqued gardeners, housekeepers, and other folks. We learned that small tasks like changing a living room light bulb, getting groceries and stashing them, and other small thing could be major obstacles to “aging in place” in your own home. As a group, though, we could do all these things.

Not becoming isolated is one of the most important tasks in this aging process. We were developing affinity groups, pot lucks, and other social activities.

We planned to be both “client” and “provider” in the small tasks of aging.

Something like 300 similar types of organizations have been created through out the country. All self constructed, but with the help of the national organization. Many groups, we learned, enthusiastically start up, and the fizzle at some point. That was us.

Our downfall was transitioning from a prototype organization of 10 or so to a functioning organization of 150 or so. We had lots of interest. However, we had planned to add a rider(which we would pay for) to our supporting organizations insurance plan to gain the necessary insurance coverage. Nobody, including the supporting organization, thought this would be a problem.

The insurance company denied the change and refused to add the needed rider.

This was at a point of a years work, and being on the cusp, of becoming a functioning organization. Now, we needed to back up and create a new independent business form. It was doable, but the groups energy dwindled and the appetite to essentially start over just was not there. We disbanded.

If not a formal network, how about an informal ad-hoc support group (1++,2+,3-,4–)

While the more formal network approach didn’t make it, we had learned a lot about what types of support might be needed, and what the community already has available. We started supporting, joining and building our own support network. Some examples follow.

One of our neighbors, mid 80’s, lives alone in the house where his long deceased wife and he raised two daughters. He’s very mentally with it, but has physical problems and uses a walker and no longer drives. Our next door neighbor, and we also, take his morning paper and afternoon mail to him. So two times a day he has company and other folks who are keeping a helpful eye on him.

Another group of about 10 friends has grouped together and formed a tool exchange group. It’s simple: An email list. Send a request, and if someone can help with a tool, advice, or whatever, they respond.

Our book club, 10 folks, get together monthly for a potluck and book discussion. We are all in this aging process, so “off-topic” discussions abound concerning health and aging issues.

We are  involved in various groups:  in a writers group, a fused glass guild, three dance communities, two artist critique groups, a weekly coffee group, and a very active “Academy for Life Long Learning” organization. For exercise, we belong to an athletic club and participate in a number of group classes, as well as swimming and water walking. So far, we have avoided the isolation problem.

We are doing all sorts of things to make our house more amenable to our current aging state. Alexa, the talking speaker [Link to my post] helps us talk with each other from various places in the house, shop and gardens, as well as provide music, group calls, and a lot or reminder helps. We have added more hand rails, and removed slick surfaces, and rugs that could be a tripping hazard. We’ve decreased our garden size and pruned our fruit trees low enough so no ladder is needed.

With all of our pro-active work, relatively good health, friendly neighbors, we have a chance to be able to age gracefully and pleasantly right here in our own home.

But, as I mentioned before, there are areas where we are currently experiencing difficulties, and we are aware they could get more difficult over time. So our hope of aging in place at our current home may not be our best options.

Following is a summary of other ways.

Other approaches to living in retirement

Our hope, as you can tell from above, is to live in our current home until we die, which we hope is many years away. But we also recognize, at least intellectually, that this might not be our wisest choice. (By the way if you’ve read this far, click here for a thank you!)

So we are exploring options.

Now a days, when meeting people I often sway the conversation to retirement experiences, dreams, and realities. For us, most of the options are not likely to happen – too much community, too little community, life styles that aren’t ours, money issues, governance realities, lack of potentially needed medical help, and so on. I do, though, enjoy listening and learning about other peoples search for home, for milieu.

Senior Co-Housing (1++,2+,3-,4)

(see co-housing.org and The senior co-housing Handbook: A Community Approach to Independent Living

Co-housing is a reaction to the separateness verging on isolation that often exists in  many neighborhoods. A co-housing facility is designed to encourage people to meet and greet on a daily and casual basis. There is group space for community dinners and other gatherings. Everyone has their own private houses or apartments. A lot of effort goes beyond the physical design and is toward a community, participant oriented, consensus oriented governance. Weekly or more dinners, group times for landscape maintenance, cars parked slightly away from the living spaces. I like the approach, have followed the development of them since the late seventies, but we have always balked at actually joining. Just a little too much planned community for us.

Out of our groups attempt to create a “Village to Village Network” local organization, a group interested in building a senior co-housing facility coalesced. They followed the procedures outlined in the “ book”, and gathered together a group of folks interested in forming a co-housing organization. One of the key differences in co-housing over a condo development is the inclusion of spaces where it is likely you will meet and chat and get to know your neighbors. Usually a central club house where weekly dinners and other activities, impromptu as well as planned, can happen. The biggest though is the building of a group governance structure. Even before a building is designed, the building of this cohesive self governance system is undertaken.

This group formed an alliance with a local non profit housing organization, as well as some co-housing consultants, to gain help and expertise in finding their way through the maze of financial obstacles, city planning and development criteria, and the interlocking of local state and federal rules- which may or may not apply. Simple things can get complicated very quickly. In their case the non profit they affiliated with determined it was not a project that fit their criteria – even though they had been active a decade earlier in forming a fully functioning co-housing development.

There are, however, functioning Senior co-housing units and it is usually possible to buy into one – although there may be a wait until and opening is available. Link to a cohousing directory

Cluster small homes- Privacy and community space – and a small scale.  (1++,2+, 3,4)

We are intrepid do-it-yourself enthusiasts. While we certainly use experts and professionals where needed, our leaning is do create and build and use our own efforts and skills as much as possible. It’s probably why, over the years, we have not joined a co-housing group, or an intentional community. It just always seems a bit too confining.

In our dreams- what we would like to find a group of like minded do-it-yourself enthusiasts, maker types, and artistic types with physical independence, frugality and enough social good characteristics to make a small community smoothly function.

How many? Not more than a dozen with a male, female, single couple, etc mix. Diversity in exterior characteristics, but a commonality in “buying in” on the idea of a small community with agreement and support for a method of self governance – without need for continually reinventing same.

The physical characteristics would provide for small private spaces. And large public/private spaces consisting of studios and workshops for each, opening to a common space of shared, more expensive tools and machines. Basically a technical, artistically oriented maker space with private areas too. Since we are aging, we would have arrangements available so a shared helper/nurse could be on site. There would be a space for shared dining, with a paid cook to prepare a meal per day. The facility would be on a bus stop, but would also encourage bikes and ride sharing. The concept is to provide space and opportunity for personal activities, and help when it is needed. It would be a place of activity and a place of repose as life’s aging happens.

The key, of course, is finding the “Merry dozen.”

The physical structure could be built using interesting modular structures, placed creatively. Costs and building times could be minimized and also sequenced and self financing is not out of the question.

Besides finding like minded people the next problem is that in most jurisdictions there is no appropriately zoned land available, to just “do it.”

Purchase a trailer Court, a motel,or an apartment building (1+, 2+, 3-, 4–)

In searching the Internet and in casual conversations the idea sometimes comes up to take an existing structure, already code and planning department approved, purchase it and convert it to a DIY senior co-housing type facility. I believe in past years I’ve heard of some co-housing units developed with this model.

A number of problems seem to consistently, in my mind, come up. First, in most cases you muse evict the current residents. I simply can not do this.

If an older structure is for sale there is usually a reason and when you find it, the solution usually entails a pile of money.

There are a lot of code hoops to go through when you significantly modify a building. Many come as surprises.

Coming up with a sizable number of like minded people to create the energy pool and money pool to do it is difficult.

None of the above makes the project unthinkable or undoable. It will not be simple, however.

A fictional approach!

Put together an old house, a curmudgeon of big hearted, practical old guy, and a bunch of other old folks and you have the makings of a story. Author Gregg Kleiner takes this setting, and creates a whimsical story of “aging in place” with others. It’s heart warming, sad, and hits on many of the issues all of us in this aging process think about from time to time. Their solutions of issues might leave something to be desired, like using a tractor to create a hoist for getting a wheel chair bound lady to an upper floor. Or creating an enthusiastic ball team complete with uniforms. Or kidnapping an older lady trapped and whithering away in a nursing home.

There is elder audacity (should we not all show a little of it?). There is the recognition and actuality of dying (it does happen to everyone, it’s just a little closer for us elders). There is a practical disdain and abandon of societies land planning and building codes ( and don’t we all have a little of this especially when the “social good” seems to negate our own personal good.) Only in fiction can you bring out serious issues in such a number of delightfully conceived ways.

It’s been a bunch of years since I have read the book, written when the author was fairly young, but somehow he effectively caught the feelings of frustrated elders deciding to take things in their own hands. And I have remembered it.

I listed it here under “Options” which it of course isn’t. What it is, though, is a optimistic, DIY, and exaggerated approach to aging. I think it is a fun book to read for any one actively aging and feeling a bit constrained by “the system.” Enjoy!

“Where River Turns to Sky”,: Gregg Kleiner c1999

Share a big house (1, 2, 3-,4–)

When the topic of living communally while aging, invariably the idea of a big old house comes up: each person with a private room, shared kitchen baths, living space etc.

It can work. In college four of us got together and rented a nice apartment. We apportioned jobs, Ted the cook, Keith and myself the kitchen cleanup and sous cook, and Lynn the bathroom maintainer. It worked extremely well. Four busy, individualistic young men and we seemed to informally handle all the “governance” quite easily. Susan was so impressed she married me!

Another example is the old boarding room approach. Someone has a large house and takes care of food, cleaning and the like, and everyone has a private space and community area access. All major decisions are handled by the owner-Take it or leave it. When I went to Washington DC right after college for my first real job, I stayed for a week at a boarding house just off Dupont circle. I liked the food, the freedom from community chores and thought the owner did a pretty good job, and there were other interesting people. But, it was a wayside stop for me, not a long term living arrangement.

Recently I heard about four professional woman, still working, but older, who teamed up, bought a house, subdivided it, and were making it work.

So their are models. From Greg Kleiner’s fictional house to self defined group houses.

For Susan and myself, with our art and many other interests it just does not seem appealing as a retirement living method.

A Tiny House as a retirement option? (1,2,3—,4—-)

We’ve looked a tiny bit at the tiny house movement and the possibilities they might provide. It is enticing to me to think of tiny homes as modular spaces, adding and subtracting modules as life needs change.

We do have experience living in tiny spaces. Since retiring 15 years ago we have traveled all over the US and Canada in our tiny Tacoma pickup camper. Some years we have lived in our camper for up to two months of travel. This though, is very different from a city “tiny house,” for us the outdoors is our living room, our social space, and our delight. See my posts [Link: more to come] under slow travel.

There is lot’s of activity in the tiny house movement on the web. For an interesting collaboration in Germany of tiny house, architecture and art,

For us, though, we feel a small house, not tiny house, movement makes more sense. 500-800 sq ft with studio and workshop space available elsewhere feels reasonable and doable to us. 100-200 sq feet doesn’t. Still, it is a movement of interest.

Full-time Living in a RV (1+,2+,3-)

With the plethora of RV parks it seems there should be a fit somewhere. Full time RV living is doable. Parks exist with all sorts of amenities including workshops, affinity groups, exercise programs and at least one, (get link) that specializes in medical issues. We recently met a couple living full time in their RV. They headquarter in the NW for summers and the Southwest for winters. Lot’s of friends and activities. They say their RV, with pullouts, is very comfortable. It’s a life style they like. She does writing and he does on site sewing machine repair.

Amenities usually include at least a club house and pool. Some have planned activities, exercise programs, craft shops, and social activities.

What happens if you need medical care? On an Internet search I found “Escapees Care” in Texas. It is non profit and provides adult day care and a residency program designed for RV ers. Meals, medical care, RV space and more is available at a basic rate of about $1500/couple/month.

Susan and I are home based and while we find tiny RV travel delightful and fulfilling, we always want to get back to our “real” home and community. It just doesn’t quite feel appealing enough for us to give it a try.

Moving to Panama (or other expatriate society)(1+,2+,3)

With low cost medical care, a moderate climate, delightful people, beautiful landscapes, why not move and join up with other expatriates – no need to become expert at another languages, and you can still be “sort of” a part of a different community. It has certainly worked for some. Others spend, according to one anecdotal report about three years and decide to return. It’s worth exploring, but we haven’t done it and likely won’t.

Living in a commune. (1++,2, 3—)

We enjoy going to the off beat, alternative, colorful,wacky spirited Oregon Country Fair[. It’s too crowded, too dusty, and sometimes too noisy for my introverted personality. But just the same, we enjoy the costumed people watching, the varied dances at the Dance Pavilion, the food variety, the many entertaining stage shows, and probably most of all, the unexpected and unplanned conversations that just seem to happen.

We happened by “Spirit tower” which provides a setting for spoken word performances. It’s positioned next to a river bank, just on the other side of Jill’s Crossing bridge. A tall, skinny, country dressed older man, was talking about creating a retirement place as an adjunct to “The Farm,” [link www.thefarm.org]a long lasting commune started in the early 1970’s in Tennessee. Their motto is “Out to Save the World.” ( An update: I saw an un verified post that the facility did get started but is now being purchased for other uses, and current residents must move)

He, the man whose name I have forgotten, was talking about some of the same retirement needs and options that I have been discussing. I stopped to listen. His hope is to create a retirement community as an adjunct to The Farm. Some of his desires are the same as ours: A desire to live simply, in a nice environment, to have community at hand, and help with aging as times change. He was concerned about aging in the community at large as the community needs active, energetic people. Too many oldsters, and the work just can’t get done – no matter how dedicated the idealism. I don’t know if it every came about. If so I wonder how they are handling things when lot’s of help, nursing home and the like help is needed. An article in the Atlantic Magazine explores retiring to “The farm.”

Another year we met a young woman involved with an education center for creating sustainable living skills. Among many things, they were looking into tiny houses as a way to sustainable living. How do they get the land use approvals, I think, was their current issue. “Would not some aging folks fit in,” I queried? Absolutely. Has the effort gone further? I don’t know.

Down one of the paths was a booth hosted by a local clothes optional community. The booth people were older, and we asked them about living full time in their community. You can place your own small “park” trailer on your own leased space. It’s a coop club and all members are expected to contribute. Basically, similar to “The Farm” except the idealism’s were different.

Yet another community, which we have visited many times, is a educational and healing hot springs intentional community, tucked away in the Cascade mountains. It’s our “get-away-place. We had a friend who lived there and was approaching retirement age. The community, he thought, was not at all clear on how to handle aging residents. He thought he would end up being the test case, but unfortunately became sick and died. I think in the years since they have developed some sort of slow down for aging members . However being many miles from medical facilities, and no way to handle physical or mental difficulties, I have never thought of it as a place to retire.

And here’s a blog post written by a self proclaimed aging hippie with the catchy title: “I’m 65 and where are my aging hippie retirement communities?

For us, even co-housing seems too constraining, so living in some sort of a retirement commune probably would not be satisfying to us. Nor for other members, usually young, very idealistic, energetic, and totally unaware of the needs and contingencies of an aging population.

For us, talking about these options is fun, doing it? Nope.

The “Art Space” approach (1++,2+,3-, 4–)

According to their web site, Art Space is a non-profit developer of live/work space for artist housing, studios,arts centers and arts friendly businesses. They are dedicated to purchasing, preserving and making affordable living and studio space available for practicing or aspiring artists.

I really like the concept, and that they have managed to build 52 communities, with more on the way. I have not visited or even met anyone living and working in one of the communities but expect the synergy of being with other artists would have an inspiring effect on each persons art.

It is not touted as a retirement option, but does not seem to exclude artists that are aging. If we were 15 years younger and just starting our retirement years, we would likely seriously explore the option.

Assisted living approaches – (1—, 2-, 3+,4+)

My parents, in their 80’s, chose a retirement facility. In their own home they were becoming isolated as long time neighbors died or moved away. They flourished with the move, acquiring friends, finding outside volunteer opportunities, and enjoying the eating, billiards, card groups, buses, swimming pool, and gardens.

Susan’s mom, after Susan’s Dad died moved to a corner assisted living apartment over looking the Umqua River. She lived there comfortably for 20 years.

We toured a brand new nearby assisted living facility. They advertised a workshop to be able to continue hobbies, etc. It was a room with a table and a tiny bench with a couple of hand tools. The rooms were nice, the dining gracious, and it fit us not at all.

A number of friends have moved to an assisted living facility in Portland. It overlooks the Willamette river. It’s full of interesting and active people. My aunt lived there for many years. There are two wood working shops. A pool. Walkways from building to building. Beautiful gardens, two or three restaurants, and on and on. The apartments are nice. During our tour, we met a number of residents, all very friendly and helpful. We would likely end up fitting in. But,it was at the upper end of what we can financially afford and even with all the opportunities, it just felt too confining, to inward oriented, and a bit “client” oriented for our DIY characteristics.

The bottom line, for us, is with our current and expected life style we just can’t visualize us living in an assisted living facility. The time may come, and if it does we will embrace a move, but for now assisted living residences are off our list – no matter how many features!

What we will likely do – A  two pronged approach

We are definitely on a two pronged plan, while keeping an openness for other plans and opportunities which could unexpectedly arise. Who knows, a likable group of artists and makers might set up a relatively inexpensive facility in Panama – or some such equally unlikely opportunity. Low probabilities do not mean that something can’t happen. This thinking reminds me of the “Hitch hikers guide to the Galaxy”  and its Infinite Probability Drive where infinitesimally probable events are harvested and used. I don’t expect low probability events to happen, but I certainly give them opportunity!

Gently altering our life style (1++,2++,3 ,4–)

But back to higher probability realities, we are daily working on simplifying our lives: Getting rid of books – much loved, and much un-needed. Fixing anything that we can around the house. We put on a new roof, took out a old not-working hot water solar collector, and have been and are installing handrails and other safety features. I’m simplifying my shop, selling off, and giving away tools I no longer need. We’re decreasing our garden size and making yard maintenance simpler – though it’s still a lot. We’re decreasing our night driving and exploring, but not yet using, local bus service. Bus service for us is once an hour, and entails a 1/3 mile walk down and up the hill, and runs only during the day.

I’m changing my woodworking activities to be on much smaller scale – hoping to flip from real scale to model scale. I have on my drawing board a scale model of the 1920’s amusement park on top of Council Crest in Portland. I hope to include working, scale model trolley cars, a multitude of 1020’s era amusement rides, all controlled with servo motors and an Arduino microcomputer.

Currently I’m still building things that take whole sheets of plywood and lugging sacks of concrete around – too heavy for me to pleasantly work with. Going to scale models will be a welcome, but a big change for me.

Both of us are doing much more in 2D art in medium and small formats. We’re doing an on line class in figure drawing which means we don’t need to drive at night to the local group. Another big change.

Perhaps, with enough simplification, some hiring, and use of public transportation we can “age in place” right here.

A senior Village may be in our future (1,2++, 3++,4+))

A likely move is to a senior village 10 miles away. Close enough that we can maintain many of our current activities and friends. We are on a list for a style of house, within our budget, and with space for a model shop and studio. Besides my own shop, I (and other qualified residents) can use the facilities wood shop. So any large scale cutting, planing needs, etc I can still accomplish – without need for my own tools. There is a small pool which is ideal for water walking exercise, and less than ideal, but probably workable, for lap swimming. Everything is on the flat. Facility buses make attending night events more possible than now, with our determination to limit rainy night driving. There is an on site restaurant, a library and a book club and a small group of artists, some of who we already know. Gardening plots are designed for ease of use as well as provide a social area. There are a lot of really good things about the village and it provides a somewhat balanced approach to the pros and cons of independence and gaining help, while, hope3fully, leaving room for maintaining our own identities and feelings of relevance.

Which way will we choose?

Probably we will end up opting for the Village should a place come up that fits what we are looking for, but the decision is not a foregone conclusion. The morbid side, is that for us to move in, someone has to die. That’s the reality, which we really would rather not recognize too vividly.

But what if some calamity strikes?

What if my knees give all the way out. Or Susan’s leg no longer functions. Or a debilitating stroke happens. Or the really scary stuff like Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s develops.

What then?

When more help is needed

For all of us there is a point where either 24 hour on site care, or in an establishment might be needed.

An advantage of a full service community is the amount of service provided can change over the years as needs arise. Some provide guaranteed acceptance of Medicaid payments should funds run out. In contrast, not being part of a facility means searching to find a place that will accept you – at a time when you are least capable of doing it. Moving to a facility with these services makes sense.

In the back of our minds there is always the hope that our bodies will know when the time has come and just let us gracefully die. and skip the whole stage 4 stuff.  I flippantly joke, I’ll probably die trying to do too much on the dance floor. A tremendous way to go, in my mind – but  who ever is dancing with me at that time might be a bit traumatized. Or  maybe, I’ll just stop eating. I had a friend who became progressively worse with ALS. In his final very debilitating stages he consciously stopped eating. It is, apparently, non painful, not too hard to do after the first two or three days. But when the need comes, will I have the mental capability to accomplish the task? Is a compassionate death even legal?  

Most of health care costs happen in the last 6 months . Where does the money come from?

Finances do matter in aging choices

For us there are definitely financial considerations. We live off of social security, some dwindling IRA accounts, and a real-estate investment. We have half ownership in a business that we are locked into which counts as a balance sheet asset but provides little income. We do own outright our home, which is what gives us the freedom of where our next milieu will be.

Since the seventies, for philosophical reasons, we have lived a relatively simple lifestyle and still subscribe to the ideas of the “voluntary simplicity” movement , pretty much now abandoned by society at large. We live well on less!r

From a financial aspect the most scary thing in our lives are health costs. Susan needed an angiography for her leg artery problems. It was $32,000 with no documentation of why. such a high cost. The insurance company paid most, without questioning the bill. A internet search showed what seemed to be comparable costs in the $2,000 to $10,000 range.  Medical costs could easily bankrupt us. And we’re pretty healthy individuals.

Nursing home and memory care is somewhere in the $7,000 to 10,000 per month range – and it isn’t covered by insurance. The bills are paid by using up a patients resources, and then going on Medicaid- if you can find a place that will accept you. What about long term health care insurance. We subscribed for long term health care, but they kept raising the prices astronomically and/or reducing the benefits, and we finally decided even with it we would likely be on medicare.

For both Susan and myself we would rather just die from natural causes – before these options become needed. But, some things can’t be planned.

That’s our story, to date. What’s yours!

So that’s our story, with a big question mark still in place. As it should be. We have never been for a completely linear, well planned, life.  Like the cartoon image, only the man made road is straight in nature. Our road is full of jogs and jags . I like the unexpected good that often happens from making plans, but keeping the options open, and availing ourselves to things that just seem to happen!

We’d be interested in hearing your story of finding the right retirement living for your wants, needs, and “stages.” Use the comments section below. If you should end up writing a “mini essay” as I did, if you give me permission and it seems to fit,I’d put it in as another mini essay’s which gives a little more exposure than a long comment.

Happy Aging!

Interesting websites:

Hinessight.blogs.com “How things look through an Oregonians eyes. Buried in posts that range through many,many topics, there is one a few years back about folks wanting to find A “Hippie retirement” facility. Not everyone, including me,feels at home in the more “standard” model. Key words: “I’m 65. Where’s my “Aging Hippie” retirement community.”

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2011/11/peace-love-and-social-security-baby-boomers-retire-to-the-commune/248583/ – Returning to a Commune for aging – A wise idea?

More aging artists seeking affordable, artistic oriented retirement communities – and not finding them.

https://www.trulia.com/voices/Quality_of_Life/Where_are_the_affordable_retirement_community_for_-33452

Here’s an article about a number of old building in Seattle converted to art/artisan spaces -some live & work. It probably doesn’t fit the retirement mold, but it’s a step towards it.

https://www.seattletimes.com/entertainment/visual-arts/5-old-seattle-buildings-now-housing-cool-art-spaces/

Idea for a tiny houses surrounding studios, gallories and work spaces.

https://neighborland.com/ideas/santa-fe-a-tiny-house-village-for